So I’m going to see my boyfriend in a couple of hours & yet I can’t sleep. I was expecting to sleep until 11, just so the beginning of my day can go by faster.
But no. Here I am, more awake than a cat on catnip ( I don’t know if that’s even true). I am tired but I can’t sleep. I have all of these thoughts that are about him, about my life, about the things I want to do.
I tend to plan things for my future during these times and do ” what ifs”. As in for example, ” what if I transfer to L.A, get a job, get a place with him & then we will be living happily ever after”. Or ” what if I just get a job now, rent a place with him, and just let my parents hate me for it…it’s certainly do-able”. Then finally, ” what if I just ran away.”
But I’m not an idiot. What $ do I have to even live on. I have a future to work for.
Call me crazy for saying this, but, right now the things I do are for my kids.
No I’m not pregnant. But for when I have my kids later in life, I want them to have a comfortable life. I want to tell them, that I and their father completed college. Every choice I do now is for them.
If it wasn’t for them, I would have already ran away and live off of a retail job with some loser who aspires to be nothing.
I admit it, I am a dreamer. I am also with a dreamer. Together we will make our dreams come true.
Want to know something funny? My father is in denial about my relationship. After seeing my Christmas gift, he was worried that this was something serious.
If I leave my home, it will be because of that. I need a job. I’m going to get a job. And I’m going to get A’s in all of my classes in the upcoming semester. These are my new year goals. YES.
Okay, that’s definitely enough. I have put every thought in here. Do you see what I must put up with? What’s worse, it’s not even closed to finish. Blah.
Good luck ……..